IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE - Don't Overlook The Obvious

Join our Marriage Community Forum by clicking here.

Help others find this article: Digg It! or Bookmark it!    Share

Admitting Shortfalls

Merely owning up
To your shortfalls
Does not make you
A bigger person
In their eyes.
Only a change in actions
Will.

Let's start off with a quick quiz. Only 1 question.
How many times in the past year have you apologized to your wife or husband and promised not to do the offending behavior, ever again?

Come on, now. Be honest. - More than you would care to admit?
But, you point out that they have, as well?

I hate to break it to you. But, we're going to attempt to stay focused on you. And, what your responsibilities are. And, what you can likely expect to happen as a result of apologies not backed-up by actions.

There are 3 main types of spousal apologies.

In one, we are truly contrite. We did or said something that offended or otherwise hurt our spouse, unintentionally. The action could have been a name that we called them. Perhaps we were caught in a lie. - Regardless of the act itself, we know that we did wrong and are sincere in both our apology and intent to not repeat the action. And, the odds are that we will live up to that promise.

In a second type of apology, we had intentionally done the dastardly deed, hoping not to be caught. And, having been called on it by our wife or husband, we did what was expected of us: ask for forgiveness and vow to not repeat the action. This time, however, we crossed our fingers when speaking. So that we believe our vow to them is not valid. And our internal vow is simply not to get caught, again.

The third type of apology is one where we mouth the words, but in our heart don't believe that our actions were any big deal. So that the words we speak are meant simply to appease our spouse. And, the intent to not repeat the action is only half-sincere. We try to avoid repeating the same mistake, but if it happens again, we will probably just shrug our shoulders and seek another round of forgiveness. - We haven't accepted that we all have 'sore spots' which might not be meaningful to our partner, but should be respected, nonetheless.

MIstakenly, we all too often believe that by owning up to our errors in behavior and apologizing for them, our spouse will forgive us. - Whether or not they verbalize it, our husbands and wives only pay so much attention to this lip service. They recognize that there are the above types of apologies, out there. How they will respond to you, down the road, will be based in large part on which type they believe that you have given them.
And, that old addage of 'Actions speak louder than words' is true.

Now, they might know that you were simply caught or called-on a misbehavior... That you truly are not repentent... But, they will act as if they bought your story, because, for the moment, they believe that there is far more 'good stuff' to be had in being with you, than not. Or, for the sake of the children. Or, the money. Or, the status. -- Regardless, without a sincere change in behavior, the words will eventually become nothing more than background noise to them. And, any benefits of staying with you will eventually become less important than staying with a mate who doesn't value sincerity or their feelings.

Bottom-line? Apologies are important in a marriage. However, your sincerity and future actions matter much, much more.

'Nuff said!

Have a question or comment regarding the above topic? Why not share it?
(Click here! Others will probably thank you for your contribution!)

Order your copy of Improve Your Marriage -
Don't Overlook The Obvious
from Amazon.com or this website!